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General and Specific Time Sharing Issues
For the
Parents of Children of Divorce
BASIC ASSUMPTIONS AND GOALS
Following a divorce or separation, parents should cooperate in their efforts to help their
children continue to grow emotionally, socially, and intellectually, and to ensure that their
children continue to have meaningful relationships with both the parent with whom they
primarily live (the Aprimary caregiver@ or Aprimary residential parent@) and with their other parent
(the Asecondary caregiver@ or their Asecondary residential parent@).
The Parental Time Sharing Schedules are intended to minimize the harm done to children
when their parents divorce or separate. They are written from the standpoint of children’s needs
and attempts to guide parents seeking to meet the best interests of their children and they are
intended only as a default in the event the parties cannot agree to a visitation arrangement.
In developing schedules for contact between children and their parents following a separation
or divorce, the following factors need to be considered:
A. Minimize Loss
Children experience divorce as a series of significant losses. To a child, divorce means losing
home, family life, loving parents who care about each other, pets, financial security, relationships
with extended family, familiar schools, sports activities, and a daily schedule. Children often feel
abandoned and uprooted. The disrupting effect of divorce on their lives can have profound
consequences for children as they reach adulthood. Respect your children’s pain by eliminating as
many changes and losses as possible.
B. Maximize Relationships
It is important to encourage all relationships which existed between your children and others
before the divorce (both parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close adult friends, etc.).
Your children will most likely keep the feeling of family when they continue to have pleasant,
free access to both parents and extended family. Your children’s identity depends on their feeling
that they belong to both families. This identity requires that your children spend time with both
sides of the family. If your children lose contact with parts of their family, their sense of identity
can be distorted, even crippled. Treasure the involvement of extended family in your children’s
lives.
It is also essential to encourage and support the other parent in accepting an active parenting
role which includes sharing the burden of responsibilities (laundry, transportation, doctor visits,
teacher conferences, etc.) as well as the joyous occasions (holidays, birthdays parties, movies,
sports outings, trips, etc.). Respect the basic nature or temperament of your children, as well as
the temperamental match or fit between each child and each parent. Consider the match of each
parent’s interests and each child’s activities. Provide as much direct contact and positive
involvement as possible between each child and each parent. When parents are able to remain in
the same geographical location, relationships are more likely to be maximized.
Never make your children feel guilty about enjoying their time with their other parent;
enjoyment of that time is a tribute to the security that both you and the other parent have instilled
in your children and suggests that your children are learning to trust and explore a wide range of
healthy relationships.
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Reassure your children that they are not to blame for the divorce and that both parents still
love them. Avoid blaming the other parent (it is destructive to children’s security and self
concepts when they are compelled to Atake sides@ after a divorce). You should also avoid
confiding details of your marital problems to your children; although they may initially want the
details and may want to alleviate your pain/anger by Ataking sides@ with you, they may ultimately
resent you for confusing them and increasing their anxieties about their freedom to love and relate
comfortably to both of their parents.
C. Increase Security
Your children are likely to feel protected from losses when allowed to remain in the safety,
consistency, and support of old, familiar surroundings. Children feel secure when they have
positive time with both parents, the familiarity of established family rules, as well as being
allowed to continue in previously established religious, school, and related activities. Children do
best when their parents live proximate to one another, especially if they share the same school
district. Children can then have the reassurance of familiar after-school friends at both parents’
homes. Children also feel most secure when their parents share responsibility for their after-
school care. Parents need to talk about ways to build certainty, structure, and stability in their
children’s lives.
D. Avoid Conflict
Scientific research verifies that your children will suffer both now and later if they frequently
see their parents in conflict. Raised voices, arguing, hateful remarks, and physical altercations are
not suitable for child viewing. Children are also harmed when they hear one parent say bad things
about the other parent. If one parent directly or indirectly creates an image of the other parent that
is in any way negative, the child’s own self-image will be assaulted. Children will only feel as
good about themselves as they do about each parent.
A good procedure for divorced/separated parents to follow is to never try to discuss child
issues and adult issues in the same conversation. When you are talking with your former spouse
about child issues (scheduling visits, vacation plans, school or medical problems, etc.), stick to
those topics and do not allow the conversation to drift into discussions of problems between you
and your former spouse (money, angry issues, etc.). Save those topics for another discussion at
another time and never discuss them in the presence of your children. If you and your children’s
other parent simply cannot avoid fighting and arguing when you begin/end visits, you might want
to consider enlisting the help of another person (grandparent, mutual friend, babysitter, etc.) who
will agree to serve as a Aneutral zone@ where both parents can bring the children for transfer and
avoid contact with each other.
It is encouraged that each parent involve himself and herself in school functions in which the
minor child(ren) is engaged. In doing so, the parents should make every effort to act
appropriately so as not to embarrass the minor child in the presence of his or her peers.
E. Age-related Needs
Children of different ages need and benefit from different parenting arrangements. Parents
should try to be flexible and should try to tailor their schedules as much as possible to reflect their
children’s developmental needs and individual requirements. You can expect that, as your
children get older, you will need to be more flexible and will need to work hard at communicating
effectively and compromising fairly with both your children and their other parent.
When parties are the parents of infants the primary residential parent should promote
consistency in the child(ren)’s nutrition and environment by supplying items such as the infant’s
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formula, clothing, blankets, pacifier, wipes, toys, and infant car seat to the secondary residential
parent as may be needed.
F. Right of First Refusal
If either parent intends to be absent from the home overnight during time sharing with the
child(ren) which would require child care arrangements (i.e. babysitter), he/she should give the
other parent the option of having time sharing with the child(ren) for the night in question.
If either parent has time sharing during a non-specified holiday, including but not limited
to teacher planning days, and that parent intends to leave the child(ren) for 3 hours or more with a
babysitter, daycare worker, or person other than a family member, that parent should give the
other parent the option of having time sharing with the child(ren) for the non-specified holiday.
The parent who has the option of time sharing with the child(ren) should notify the other parent
whether he/she intends to exercise the option within a reasonable time of learning of the option to
have time sharing.
G. Reintroduction of Absent Parent
The visitation guidelines assume each parent has been a continuous presence in the minor
child(ren)’s life. In the event a parent has limited or no contact with his/her child(ren) and wishes
to be reintegrated into the child(ren)’s life, it is not always in the best interest of the minor
child(ren) to immediately begin visiting with that parent pursuant to the Model Parental Time
Sharing Schedule. As such, the parties should attempt to create an alternate visitation plan to
allow for a gradual reintegration.
H. Cancellations
If a parent wishes to cancel time sharing periods, he/she should do so by providing the other
parent notice at least 14 days prior to the time sharing period which the parent wishes to cancel.
Cancellation of a specific time sharing period of longer than 72 hours in duration should only
occur with the consent of both parents. If the cancellation of a specific time sharing period is not
agreed to by both parents, the parent seeking to cancel time sharing should arrange and/or pay for
babysitting, child care or other appropriate supervision of the child for the time sharing period.
I. Mediation before Litigation
In the event the parties are unable to agree to disputes concerning visitation, it is encouraged
that they mediate their disputes before applying to the court for resolution.
SHARED PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY
The Parental Time Sharing Schedules assume that parents are prepared to share the
difficult responsibility of raising children in separate homes and are mature and responsible
enough to do so. Shared parental responsibility means that each parent has full rights and duties
with respect to their child(ren). In fact, “it is the public policy of [the State of Florida] to assure
that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents
separate or the marriage of the parties is dissolved and to encourage parents to share the rights,
responsibilities, and joys, of childrearing.” Florida Statute §61.13 (2)(b)1. The parents must
confer with each other so that major decisions affecting the child(ren) are made jointly, unless
specified otherwise by agreement of the parties or Order of the Court. Issues dealing with school,
discipline, religious upbringing, and health are examples of areas where the parents must confer.
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Each parent is entitled to the child’s medical, dental, and school records. Florida Statute '61.13
(2)(b)(3) specifically requires that Aaccess to records and information pertaining to a minor child,
including, but not limited to medical records may not be denied to a parent because the parent is
not the child’s primary residential parent.@
The Parental Time Sharing Schedules are designed to help accomplish three goals: 1) to
ensure that child(ren) of parents who do not live together will have an opportunity to develop a
relationship with each parent that will be loving and meaningful, 2) to permit each parent to
spend as much quality time with their children as is consistent with the child’s developmental
needs, and 3) to give guidance to the parents as to what is expected of them regarding their
obligations to the other parent.
If a Parental Time Sharing Schedule is to be successful, the relationship between the
parents must be businesslike. THE CHILD(REN) SHOULD NOT TO BE EXPOSED TO
HOSTILITY, CONFLICT, RECRIMINATIONS, OR ARGUMENT BETWEEN
HIS/HER/THEIR PARENTS. FURTHERMORE, THE CHILD(REN) SHOULD NOT TO BE
USED AS A MESSENGER SERVICE THROUGH WHOM THE PARENTS COMMUNICATE
WITH EACH OTHER. Thus, the parents should be courteous and respectful of each other. The
goal of the parents should be to provide the child(ren) a safe, secure, loving environment in which
his/her development as a human being is the priority of those who brought him/her into the world.
(Note: This is not intended to be an Order of the Court)
